Repulsed by ?

First of all remember that it is never your fault that you were ually abused. Second it is okay not to have or form intimate relationships. A person can be complete without them. Many people today do not marry and are still happy. Third, it may be a good idea to talk to someone you feel comfortable with. A therapist will cost money, but you could talk to someone from a crisis centre for free. They will help you make sense of your feelings, or at least give you a chance to unburden yourself. From this point I can't suggest anymore, because you must take the step yourself.